I am one of the few people who believe in love and happily ever after.
However, I do not believe in fairy tales and fairy god mothers who appear just in time to save their godforsaken god kids. I’m way past teenage for crying out loud.
Anyway, if I had written this a couple of years ago, I’m sure some people would torment the report button. Reason? Providing deceitful gen.
Back on track.
There is an array of songs out there trying to emphasize how a woman loves with all she has and cannot be compared to any other love, but I’m yet to pay audience to some bugger paying tribute to all men out there who love and love and.. you know what? Love some more.
You see, when a man loves, his testosterone somehow morphs into progesterone, well, as far as his better half is concerned.
His masculine attributes sort of mellow down whenever she is around and he starts doing “stupid” stuff. I put stupid in quotes because he can’t mention such stuff he does to his boys because they’ll laugh their macho butts off then probably get him a pack of tampons and a matching pair of leggings to sync with his hormones. It is at this point that a man switches from Arnold Schwarzenegger to Bruno Mars.
Or how else would you explain a man with hair in all the right (and weird) places carrying a huge teddy bear in town on his way home after a long day at work?
Don’t stone me yet. I am not being a chauvinist… okay, maybe I am. Just a little bit.
When a man loves, all he thinks of is his woman.
He is in a constant fight with the urge to call his empress (why on earth do I feel like I just imbibed some Caribbean juice?).
Not that he has anything important to say, but because he just wants to hear her breath into the mouthpiece and giggle just like the little girl within her.
I’m told women never kill that kid in them. Neither do men.
When a man loves, he will go to weird (and at times dangerous) levels to make his woman happy.
He will (literally) climb mountains (I know it’s archaic but true), just to put a smile on her face. He wakes up early in the morning just to walk miles to the studio and produce a song confessing his undying love for his “chocolate drop” who’s probably farting her way out of slumber land.
Well, the tunes are not always that lovely. At times they might have weird titles like “Uliza Kiatu” (translation: Ask My Shoe) hoping that women out there will probably understand what we go through just to make them happy.
But they never see it. They can be such bats at times.
When a man loves, he becomes selfish.
I never understand love. It’s all about sharing. Right? Screw that. It does not apply in this case. When a man loves, he does not want to share his woman. He protects that lady like his gonads.
Any man that attempts to create of any sort of tie becomes a foe instantly.
Even worse, any lady that sort of misleads her highness lands on his death list by default.
And finally…
When a man loves, he is taken for granted.
With all this “kukaliwa chapati” shenanigans poisoning our heads, the undying love of a man is often mistaken for being henpecked.
The moment a lady discovers that the guy is head over heels in love with her, she starts playing silly games.
As a matter of fact, she feels like Aphrodite.
That’s when the poor chap’s woes start moving in and settle with time. He gets mistreated but he really doesn’t mind since he loves her.
Then he gets dumped by the ditzy who by the way is just testing to see what he’ll do, though deep down she is convinced he will come back.
Trust a woman to make a laboratory out of a man.
But he does not.
Because HELL+HEAVEN+EARTH hath no fury like a man with a broken heart. Ask Rixton.