“This is my property, this is my property, this is my property, and No one should touch it” we would chant with our palms resting firmly and securely on the only part of our bodies that shows the structural difference beween Nick and Nicole. Yes, we had a song for our members.
Our deputy Principal, one Mr.Njenga always made sure we chanted our dick-song every now and then in case we forgot how important that bundle of muscles is to us.
That was 8 years ago while Vybz Kartel was the illest musician alive as far as I was concerned. Well, I was in high school.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I schooled in Nyeri.
And now I bet y’all ladies want me to send you dick pics to prove that my dudu is still intact. Ha-ha. Dream on.
Anyway, let me get done with this before a machete-happy lady from the region tracks down my IP and feeds my member to the dogs.
June 5th 2015.
Somewhere in the heart of Nyeri, a forty year old man stays out late drinking and returns home in the wee hours reeking of cheap liquor. His wife, one Anne Njeri, lets her drunk of a husband get to bed before she decides to go through his pockets as soon as the chap hit the bunk. And guess what she discovers? Condoms! Freaking latex yet he always goes into her raw. Why on earth was he carrying rubber?
An irate Njeri thinks, “This is adding salt to injury. He also screws whores!” And before long a man lost his beloveD.
June 10th 2015
Yet another man in Nyeri loses his manhood to an irate woman whose sole accomplice is a kitchen knife.
Knife “sharpeners” in Nyeri must be raking in cash.
And all these got me wondering which demon has possessed these ladies?
I need a woman to explain to me like a toddler why anyone in their right senses would chop off a man’s sole reason to bear the title MAN!
I just do not get it.
If my criminal justice system knowledge serves me right, chopping off genitals has never been dished out as punishment to the worst of offenders in the modern world. But now the ladies from central
Kenya think the best way to punish a man is to cripple him. I mean, they chop off the 3rd male leg, right?
And what happens when they are taken to court? They deny the charges and get a Ksh. 20,000 bond! Twenty-freaking-thousand Kenyan shillings!!! I bet that’s how much male genitals cost.
Lest you women forget, we hold our members dearly.
As a matter of fact, they are the reason we all chase after you.
Ha-ha. If you’ve always thought love is the reason, get your thumb out of your mouth and grow up!
If only you would stay clear of them, we would appreciate. Well, unless you are delivering head or on the receiving end of the “head”.
Screw the notion that those men who lost their Ds do not need them since they are inactive in bed thanks to cheap liquor. You see, after the mutilation they are in no position to give a fuck. Literally speaking.
You asked us to respect you even when you dress skimpily and we did exactly that. Is this how you repay us? Oh! Wait! Or is it your way of getting back at us for what happened not so long ago?
I think we can amicably solve this before it becomes a battle of the sexes. At the end of the day we all have balls. The only difference is their location on these temples of the Holy Spirit.
Meanwhile, it’s all up to me to protect what I value. So I’ll just get a couple of chastity bells.
And if y’all ladies want to help, it’s pretty simple.
DON’T TOUCH MY DUDU!