DOUBLE DEES KENYA 3D

“Hello, my name is Constance from Double Dees Kenya. Am I speaking to Nick? Nick Muthumbi?” coos the angelic voice from the other end of the line.

I clear my throat, in a bid to redirect blood back to my head. The one sitting on my shoulders.

“Hello Constance this is Nick speaking. How are you?” I reply before it hits me I am walking down a very risky path way. Abort mission!

“I am doing fine, thank you.” She responds and continues, “I am calling you in regards to an article you did a while ago about your visit to Best Lady. Is your ‘Best Lady’ still interested in visiting Double Dees? We would love to host you guys.” She has a way of balancing between official and casual tones. Smooth!

All this while, I listen attentively. Probably giving the voice a face and well… You know… lip syncing too.

“Nick. Are you there?”

I must have slipped into utter delirium for a couple of seconds. But I snap out nevertheless, tell her how pleased I am to hear from them and assure her of a response from my end in due time.

Truth be told, I already know how it will go down. I know for a fact that ‘Best Lady’ will definitely agree to it. Me? Come on! Show me a man who doesn’t want to see his woman looking all sassy in a designer brassiere and I’ll show you a smart sloth.

“Dodo!” I holler into my phone’s mouth piece immediately she picks up.

Chuckle.

“Yes.” She responds, unbothered by my bushman antics. She must be getting used to those. Truth is, I am really comfortable around her so she’s seen 500 shades of Muthumbi.

“So you are just going to receive my call like I’m your boss? Show a brother some love!” I tease her, prompting her signature cheeky chuckle that sends me into a frenzy of sorts.

“Pole boo” she teases back in a tone that’s (supposed to be) official! This woman!

So I decide to go straight to the point lest we veer off and end up talking about how Donald Trump tried grabbing the Pope’s hand. Yes! We are that weird couple.

“I got a call from Double Dees Kenya. They want us to visit their store. Are you game?”

“Oh my God!” she shrieks, trying to hide the joy in her voice. (Really woman?) “Yes! Yes! When’s that?”

“Next week Tuesday. How’s it looking on your end?”

“Not inundated. It’s a plan” she responds, still struggling with hiding her joy.

She’s really been looking forward to visiting DDK. And nothing gives me more pleasure than making her wishes come true. It shall be a good time alright.

TUESDAY 11AM:

During the pre-planning period, I had requested folks at the workplace to tag along and see what their shutter happy fingers would come across at DDK. Just so you understand what this means, we are accompanied by a camera man and photographer. So that’s 3 men and one lovely lady. Overly lovely.

We leave the studio at about quarter past eleven because the video guy… well… stuff happens. Long story short, we are 15 minutes behind schedule. And the fact that we are totally clueless of our destination makes it even worse.

I however have a feeling she knows the place, but because she’s a meanie, decides to let us suffer a little bit. I pity her children.

Chuckle.

11:37AM: Double Dees Kenya

Two wrong turns, one confrontation with a security guard and a dozen phone calls later, we pull up at 44 Riverside Drive directly opposite 9 Riverside building. I am too worked up to even note the guard waving at me as we drive past the gate into the compound, a move I regret minutes later.

We get an empty parking slot, kill the engine and argue for a moment before stepping out into the compound that houses the 2D world. If you know what I mean. Then it hits me I have absolutely no idea of the exact building we need to go to yet I can count at least 4 buildings.

“Wacha niulize Sojja Double Dees iko kwa building gani”, I say walking towards the gate.

Laughter.

“Sa mnacheka?” I ask, slightly agitated.

“Ule Sojja mwenye ulisnob pale kwa gate?” Says the videographer amidst very mean laughter outbursts.

Oh boy! This is going to be tough. At the back of my mind, I plot how to take the chap on a brief guilt trip. There’s no way I am going down without a fight.

The Guard

“Niaje chief” goes evil me, carefully studying his face for a reaction. I am ready to take whatever he throws at me. It better not be a machete.

“Poa sana mkubwa. Mambo vipi?” he responds with the calmness of a father before he beats the mischeviousness out of his son.

“Niko salama sana baba. Uko freshi?”

“Niko salama kabisa ndugu. Nikusaidieje?” I can feel the attitude (that I worked so hard for) seeping in now. He clearly knows what I am up to.

“Ofisi za Double Dees ziko wapi?” I shoot back, obviously in a hurry to fish the info before he snaps and gives me (at the very least) a piece of his mind.

“Ziko tu hapo mahali mmepark” comes the response as he points beyond the car. I have never felt so silly in my entire life. And his evil grin makes things worse.

“Asante sana.”

I can almost feel see his soul doing the happy dance as I walk back to my crew who are now having a rejuvenated hearty laughter.

Why me?

***TO BE CONTINUED***